Day 1

15 (Pickled onions) 

30 (Seeds)

~700 (Itsu dinner)

300 (Teriyaki rice crackers)

120 (Starbucks) 

1 (Diet Coke) 

240 (Chicken satay with Tabasco) 

40 (Cotton candy grapes)

200 (Chocolate)

??? (Wine)   

Total: ~1646 

See; this is a prime example of why I haven't been losing. I felt like the total was going to be so much lower. I didn't even count the wine, but it was a lot. 

I spent all afternoon wandering around Chelsea with Liza May. We talked fraud and men and weight and getting skinny. Then Bruiser texted and of course, he's jetting off for a good month, so we had to see each other. I think I've slipped a disc in my back. I'm off work for the week, and the weather is gorgeous, so it's the perfect time to start this new bout of restriction. We had sex for hours and did lines in his pent house on the King's Road. We get each other like no one else. He makes everything else melt away, though he shouldn't. 

I feel determined in a new way. I've been reading old archives and trying to gear myself up. I'm back in my room now with the fan on and my hair washed, and I feel my overweightness, I feel its burden on my frame. LM has lost around 30 pounds doing gym twice a day and OMAD. I lack her discipline. I need to find my groove again. I need to get rid of this excess, it's been far too long since I've felt myself.

It begins again

 Using this outdated blogging platform is kind of cute. I used to be an avid poster on here. Rebooting this blog under a discreet name so I can keep track of my diet and weight loss this summer. 

Today is the first of June, the first day of a new start. About ten years ago under different circumstances I lost a lot of weight by keeping track of every calorie that passed my lips and writing/posting it online. I'm at an all time high, 89.5 kilos, 197 lbs. I hate even typing out that number but there it is. I'll be going full-blown restriction. <1000 calories every day, aiming for 500-800. My body has been stubborn and held onto a lot of weight from trauma and stress and frankly, laziness. It's time to shed that excess weight now and "become myself". I don't have a weight loss goal, the goal is just to eat as little as possible this summer and see what happens. I'm not entirely convinced my body CAN lose weight, but I've had every blood test imaginable and there's nothing wrong with me (thyroid, hormonal-wise) that could possibly serve as a medical barrier to shedding fat. It's psychological, I really believe that, and it's time to re-engineer my entire mindset. And body. And ergo, soul. 

Today is Day 1. Watch this space.

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