Starting over. Day 1, Take Two.

I'm starting over. I binged on pizza on Day 3, about ~1500 calories' worth, with my roommate. And then yesterday I was just shovelling crisps and chocolate, far too many calories to count. I'm 89.7 kilos today and I've realised I can't keep going like this. Seeing my weight go over the 200 mark yesterday evening was really upsetting. So I'm going to reduce carbs and sugar, and be strict, because I only have 2 weeks until I have to be in a bikini next to my skinny sister and skinny mum near a pool in Italy.

Breakfast was 1/2 a sweet pickle, and egg scramble made with 1 egg and 1/3 carton of egg whites, which I sprinkled tabasco over and a dollop of red pesto. I'm estimating (5) for the pickle, (45) for the pesto and (140) for the scrambled eggs. I have a bit more mobility in my back and hips today, so I'm going to attempt the gym at 12 with Kara. But only really gentle stuff, I can't go hard on the bike like I used to. Then we'll probably get a sushi and coffee lunch, and I have to keep it light for dinner too. Late-night binge eating is my kryptonite. It's just become habit, to shovel in chocolate bars in bed after hours. Terrible. They say it takes 30 days to break a habit, but I don't know, I've been doing this for years and it's a huge reason why I've gained weight. 

Yesterday I trekked to the East End loft to see Art Therapist. We had sex, which was nice, but then I just wanted to get out of there and come home, you see. Bruiser invited me once again to join him at the airport hotel before he flies to Singapore via Dubai for the month. I almost went, I had one foot out the door, but I visualised how grim it would be coming home at 6.30 in the morning, and started to feel like a prostitute - a prostitute that doesn't even get paid - so I took my shoes off and went upstairs in my thigh-highs to crash and burn over endless TV with Kara. It's a good motivation to lose weight, to be skinny when I see B again in July. I want to be 84 for the holiday, and 80 by the end of the month. I know it's extreme but I don't care. I want to shock everyone.